How pornographic literature has impacted my life
"What started out as innocent curious reading, quickly turned into an addiction."
When I was 15, I was introduced to fan-fictions. Fan-fictions are “romance” stories written, mostly by women, about a celebrity or fictional character they have a crush on.
When I started reading fan-fictions, it was innocent at first. The stories would be light, fluffy, and sweet. However, the more fan-fictions I read, the steamier they became.
What started out as innocent curious reading, quickly turned into an addiction.
When most people think of pornography, they’re minds automatically turn to visual porn such as images or videos. Porn is seen primarily as a “man problem.” Pornography isn’t just a problem among men. Many women also struggle with porn, it’s just a different kind of porn.
The affect that erotica has on women is equal to the affect that visual pornography has on men. Men are stimulated visually whereas women are stimulated by fantasies. Erotica has a way of twisting romance and manipulating the mind.
Many women read these novels because of loneliness. We let books fill that hole in our heart when we should be letting Jesus fill it. When you turn to these novels they not only fill up the space in your heart, but they invade your heart and take over it.
How pornographic literature impacted me
There are three main ways pornographic stories impacted my life:
1. They made me insecure
Women described in erotica look like models. Perfect bodies. No scars. No stretch marks.
I became very insecure. I thought that if I didn’t look like the girls described, then I’d never have a romance like the ones I read about. But God's Word says:
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.” -1 Peter 3:3-4
As Christian women looking to find a Christian men, we need to remember that a true man of God will love our hearts over physical appearance.
2. They polluted my mind
I was a girl who was scared to ever be intimate with a guy. Fan-fictions opened a new world that ruined my innocence. The sex scenes were described so graphically, I felt like I was there. I suddenly had a desire to experience the real thing.
Your virginity and innocence is a gift from God meant to be protected. If something makes you want to stray and give it up before marriage, get rid of that thing in your life. In no way will it help you honor God.
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” -1 Corinthians 6:18
3. They changed my view of men and relationships
Romance novels portray “perfect guys.”
You know, the man that is sensitive, but also bad-ass and masculine. The guy that who is a bit over protective of you, but also doesn’t cling on to you like dog fur. The guy that never checks out other girls (like that’s possible) and gets jealous when guys flirt with you. Over that appealing personality, he looks like a god.
These books also gave me the impression that men will change for me. Most of these books have similar plots: Girl meets hot guy. He’s rebellious, free-spirited, and falls madly in love with her. They get into a serious relationship and she is able to change him into a sweet sensitive guy who never glances at other women.
NEWSFLASH LADIES: These men DO NOT exist!! Real men aren’t perfect. Fan-fictions gave me high expectations for the men I dated. My real boyfriend wasn’t as sensitive as the men I was reading about. My relationship wasn’t as passionate as fictional ones.
The only one who can change someone is God.
“This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” -2 Corinthians 5:17
When you get into a relationship, it’s because you like them. Not because you like part of them and want to change the rest.
Finding healing from pornographic literature
Unfortunately, I’ll never be able to unread those books. The damage is done. However, there are steps to help your mind recover from the distorted romances these books have made you desire.
1. Pray about it
You hear this one all the time, but prayer is always good! We know God is there, so why not consult him?! Ask him to change your desires. Ask for will power to stop reading. Ask him to help you see the good qualities in everyone. Thank God that he made you the way you are. In his image. A master piece.
2. Focus on the good in men and in yourself
Realize that perfect men don’t exist. Focus on their best points and be appreciative of them. Do the same for yourself. You may never look like the models on magazine covers. The models don’t even look like the models. :)
3. Talk to a Christian that you look up to
I talked to my mentor about my problem and she helped me understand the affects it was having on my mind. She and her husband role-modeled a healthy spiritual relationship. Seeing the way they lived their life helped shift my desires. I no longer desired a worldly steamy romance. I finally saw the beauty of a loving spiritual relationship under God’s will.
4. Let time work it’s magic
Over time, God will change you. God has slowly taken away my impure thoughts and is transforming me into the woman of God he wants me to be.