Why should I abstain from sex before I am married?

Asked by Cabello

Recently i have been getting to know a girl very well and we have become great friends. I’m thinking about asking her to be my girlfriend and everything has been great but recently we were talking and she told me she that she kissed a guy and did a “bit more” with a guy before she was Christian. Now i know God heals and all but its made me so upset to think some guy has done something to her.Why am i getting so upset? I have saved myself completely and i feel like their was no point to it.


G’day,

First let me say that what you are feeling is natural. As I suspect you know, sex was created by God to strengthen the bond between two married people. I don’t know what “a bit more” is, but any sexual activity outside of the marriage relationship can be very hurtful for anyone involved - as you are discovering. The people directly involved can feel guilt or shame, and others who love them can feel jealousy.

It sounds to me like you are feeling like you have been cheated. Although you have saved yourself for someone special, you are feeling like you might have found that someone special and she hasn’t saved herself. If you two do become a couple then this is certainly an issue that you will have to work through together. She will have to learn how to forgive herself and to rely on the grace of God in her life for things that she may have done wrong, and you will have to learn how to forgive her too. I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be hurtful. Depending on how far her prior relationships have gone - as you say, before she was a Christian - and how far your relationship might go in the future, it could be extrememly difficult for one or both of you.

I guess the thing to learn here is to be careful with her (or anyone else!) if you do end up going out together. Until you end up married, you don’t know for sure if you aren’t dating someone else’s future wife. There is a point to waiting for marriage before having sex: God designed sex and he knows how best to enjoy it. Life always works better if you do it his way, for both of you. But God is also very gracious with us, and forgives us when we do wrong things, and treats us so much better than we deserve. We need to learn to also be gracious and forgiving with people around us too.

Answers are kindly provided by our friends at Christianity.net.au

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