Question:
I was divorced 15 months ago. Now I suddenly feel very lonely and helpless when I am alone after work and during the weekends, I’m so desperate for being hugged and kissed, and feel warm and be cared by someone, is this kind of thought sinful? Sometimes I am tortured by an unspeakable pain and desperation. I’m unable to focus on the bible as before. And sometimes I feel like living in the hell. Is this a sin? How long should I wait to get rid of the torture?
Answer:
Dear friend,
I am so sorry for your pain. The Bible speaks of marriage as two people becoming one flesh. It follows therefore that divorce is going to feel like an amputation. Your sorrow and loneliness is certainly understandable.
The desire to be held and cared for is a very natural desire, and not sinful at all. The danger of sin comes when there is covetousness (you desire someone who is not your spouse) or when you act on your desires and seek physical gratification outside of God’s plans for sexual intimacy in marriage.
One of the great gifts of marriage is knowing someone intimately and being known by them intimately. The sudden absence of this intimacy is very painful. But God knows you more intimately than your husband ever could have. Psalm 139 speaks of the depths of God’s knowledge of us – and God uses this knowledge of us for our good – he’s always at work making each of his people more like Christ. (Rom 8:28)
In this situation (as in all situations) God wants you to come to him for comfort and support. He wants you to express your anger to him, your hurt, your desperation. Sometimes the most effective prayer is just “Help me”. He is there, he will answer – maybe not in our timeframe or in the way we want, but he will answer and has your best interests at heart (as hard as that may be to believe right now).
Loneliness is a really hard burden to bear. But God in his wisdom didn’t plan for marriage to be the only solution to loneliness. It’s natural that the change in your state from married to divorced would cause you to feel very lonely and sad. God provides for this in the church though. God has given us his people to be our family. I hope and pray that you are a member of a church and have good friends there. If not, it would be a great idea to join a local church that teaches the Bible and seek out friendships there. It would be good to find another chrstian woman that you can talk to, someone you trust, someone who will encourage you to react in a christian way, someone who will let you dump on them.
I know that pain and suffering can really affect your ability to read the Bible, and your desire to do so. Thankfully, God is merciful and our salvation does not depend on our Christian performance. This may be a time that God will use to teach you to depend upon him and pray more fervently to Him for help and comfort.
It may seem impossible, but in my experience it is the times of difficulty that grow our faith the most. Perseverance is the key. Just keep doing it – keep reading your Bible and pray that God will help you to concentrate and understand. Even if it is only a few verses a day, just hang in there. It may even help to do it with a friend.
I hope this is of some help and encouragement to you. I will pray for you.
Natalie