Relationship Mythbusters: High school dating (part one)
Why do you really want a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Where all relationships end up...
It might have started in primary school: you sent each other notes, and called each other “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” (even if you hardly talked). You laughed about it and got totally embarrassed, but it felt good to have a special someone. Then you hit high school. His voice broke, her body changed. Suddenly girls didn’t have germs anymore, and boys stopped being quite so annoying. Suddenly, they were hot.
But being an adult seems so far away. It’s years until you leave school, so you’ve got ages before you need to think about anything like marriage. I mean, that’s something that old people do, isn’t it?
Let’s get real. On the one hand, your body is telling you it is totally ready to hit the relationship market, or at least to experiment a little. On the other hand, the land of serious relationships feels like it is a loooong way away.
You probably don’t want to know, but there are only two possible results of a relationship:
- You break up, or
- You get married (some people would argue with this, but we’ll get to that in another article).
So let’s look at this logically for a second. If you think you’re too young to get married (result number 2), then what’s the only other option for this relationship?
Now before you put your hands over your ears and yell, “LALALALALALALA not listening, not listening!” hang in there with me for a second. Relationships aren’t necessarily a bad thing, but there are some helpful things to think about before you say, “Yes, I’ll go out with you.”
How’s your relationship with Jesus going?
We’re not here to wag our fingers at you and say, “Now just be good, people!” All that does is create rules and burdens, and Christianity is about what God has done, not what we have to do, to be right with him.
We are loved by God. Loved so much that God sent Jesus to save us, even when we were his enemies. If we are followers of Jesus, that means we are a new creation in him. You are God’s adopted heirs - you have a special identity as one of Jesus’ crew. That changes everything.
We can’t put Jesus in a little compartment in our minds, and then have a “relationship” compartment that we hide from him. God is central to our whole lives. Even our relationship lives.
So ask yourself: are my desires totally in sync with my relationship with Jesus? Or am I trying to get into stuff that I want to hide from him?
But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 1 Corinthians 6:11
Why do you want to be in that “special” relationship?
There are a whole bunch of reasons why people get into relationships. Some are good (“They are a wonderful, godly person”), some are not so good. Are any of these statements familiar?
- Everyone else has a boyfriend/girlfriend, and I don’t want to be forever alone.
- This really cute girl asked me out. I’m not in love with her or anything, but she asked, so we’ll go out.
- Kissing and sex seem so exciting. If I don’t find someone to get with soon, I’m going to explode!
- People are making fun of me for being a virgin. I’ve got to do something to get them off my back.
- That girl/guy is hot. I want them. That is all.
Have you thought anything similar to those statements? Then ask yourself these questions:
Am I wanting to serve this person and help them in their relationship with Jesus? OR
Is this relationship really just about making myself feel good?
If your answer is closer to the second, then all you’re going to do is use and hurt someone for your own pleasure. That’s not God’s pattern of relationships.
Love ... does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking ... 1 Corinthians 13:5