Is there a place for sex before marriage when we are young and exploring our sexuality?

Is there a place for sex before marriage when we are young and exploring our sexuality?

Asked by Angelica

I understand that christians are against pre-marital sex, and according to the site it sounds like this is so that we respect and devote our partners in the very special sacrement of marriage.
The thing is, when we are younger and exploring is it so wrong to have sex, but keep in our minds and in our hearts that when the one comes along we will be faithful to that one person?

Hi Angelia,

The short answer to this is No.

Sex is part of the means by which a couple become “one flesh” when married. The picture of marriage in Genesis is one where there is such initmacy and trust that “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Gen 2:25). Sex creates, enhances and expresses this intimacy. Unfortunately sin distorts even this most precious gift so that sex can be used to exloit, abuse and defile. But when sex is practised as it should it is a wonderful gift of intimacy that builds and cements the marriage relationship.

As such it is virtually impossible to have sex that does not involve giving of the whole self. You cannot have casual sex that does not mean anything. You cannot turn the intimacy on and off just like that. What generally happens is that the more you turn the intimacy off and have a fling the less likely you are to be able to turn it back on when it counts. The result is that sex starts to lose its ability to cement and build the marriage relationship (I’ve heard it described once as the way stick tape loses its ability to stick the more times you pull it off and put it on).

God has designed sex to work best in the context of a committed life long relationship. There is nothing to be gained by “exploring”. In fact “exploring” the sexual dimension of a relationship is part of the building the intimacy in it. Sex before marriage may look and be appealing but there is much more to be gained by keeping yourelf until you are married as hard as this may be in our “enlightened” society.


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