Three ways porn could damage your future marriage
This is why you have to cut porn out of your life.
Viewing pornography is an addictive habit that traps many teenagers – including Christians.
We’ve talked many times on Fervr about why pornography is innately wrong – it glorifies sex outside of marriage, viewing it is sexually immoral and it is an industry full of criminal activity including human trafficking, rape and drug use.
But if you need even more reasons to kick your porn habit, here’s a big one: porn could seriously damage your future marriage. Here’s why.
Porn rewires your brain
Christians believe that sex is a great gift from God, designed to be enjoyed within the safe covenant of marriage. And feeling attracted and aroused by your spouse is a natural, wonderful part of that.
But engaging in porn can ruin this gift because it actually rewires your brain. Here’s how Fight the New Drug explains this:
You see, your brain is full of nerve pathways that make up what scientists call your “brain map.” It’s kind of like a hiking map in your head, with billions of tiny overlapping trails. These pathways connect different parts of your brain together, helping you make sense of your experiences and control your life.
When you have a sexual experience that feels good, your brain starts creating new pathways to connect what you’re doing to the pleasure you’re feeling. Essentially, your brain is redrawing the sexual part of your map so you’ll be able to come back later and repeat the experience. The same thing happens the first time someone consumes porn. The porn consumer’s brain starts building new pathways in response to this very powerful new experience. It’s saying, “This feels great! Let’s do this again.”
But here’s the catch: brain maps operate on a “use it or lose it” principle. Just like a hiking trail will start to grow over if it’s not getting walked on, brain pathways that don’t get traffic become weaker and can even be completely replaced by stronger pathways that get more use.
As you might expect, consuming porn is a very powerful experience that leaves a strong and lasting impression in the brain. Every time someone consumes porn the part of the brain map that connects arousal to porn is being strengthened. Meanwhile, the pathways connecting arousal to things like seeing, touching, or cuddling with a partner aren’t getting used. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons aren’t enough, and many porn consumers find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn.
If you watch porn, you’ll be damaging your brain to the point that sex as God designed won’t work the way it’s supposed to. And that’s absolutely devastating.
The good news is that your brain can be rewired to work well again even after long term exposure to porn. But it will take hard work, perhaps counselling and lots of prayer for God’s help!
Porn makes you (and your partner) feel like you’re not enough
Porn generally displays interactions between seemingly perfect people – people who have had makeup applied, body hair removed, and even damaging cosmetic surgery performed to make their bodies look as ‘desirable’ as possible.
If you get used to seeing images of men and women who look like that when they’re having sex, you may find that sex with your spouse leaves you or them feeling disappointed in what you’re seeing. This is hurtful to your spouse and terrible for your self-confidence.
Remember that God has made all people unique and beautiful in their own right, and that marriage is about celebrating the special beauty of your spouse and yourself as you come together, not comparing either of you to another.
Porn makes great sex seem crucial
Sex is a really important part of the marriage relationship. But porn – and, to be honest, a lot of popular culture – would have us believe that sex is the centre of all romantic relationships.
Most married couples will actually tell you that sex comes and goes and that if you relied only on sex to bond you to your spouse, you’d be in trouble! Illness, childbirth, grief, life changes and more can lead to periods where a couple barely engages in sex, but healthy Christian marriages will continue to thrive because they have chosen a much greater foundation: a shared love of Jesus, a desire to point each other to him and to serve the wider church and community in his name.
What can I do?
If you’re planning on getting married at some point, and even if you’re not, you need to cut porn out of your life – for our sake, and for the sake of all those around you.
Check out this article on Fervr for guidance on how to beat porn for good.
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