The last brownie

Image: The last brownie

Like the last brownie on the plate, Kelly felt left out and unwanted. But then...

While friends swayed and sang along, “You are not alone,” my heart demanded action from my soul. Fine Lord, I am not alone. But unless you plan to put flowers in my locker and take me for ice cream Friday night, it’s just not good enough...

Days later, I attended a barbecue. There were plenty of other singles, too, until it came time for the bonfire. While couples pulled out blankets and ingredients for s’mores, I returned to the food table where one plate, in particular, stood out.

There it is! That’s it! That’s me.

Alone, unselected, and with a corner broken off, was one last brownie. I leaned forward to take a closer look and Yep, someone must have picked it up, taken a part, and put it back. Bingo.

Too gooey? Nutty? Undercooked?

Yes, there were many days I enjoyed being a single teen. In fact, the few times I did date, I was more self conscious and uptight than ever before. Still the summertime would slyly sneak up with cookouts, carnivals, and cozy bonfires, and I’d be right back to this fight in my soul.

I knew, and truly believed, God had a good plan. I memorized verses and smiled at weddings, but it was only natural to be sad. I sat in youth group wishing for someone beside me.

Questions swarmed.

Are my expectations too high? My thighs too big? Must I be more athletic? Give lipstick a try?

Burnt edges

For years, I felt like that last brownie on the plate; picked up, broken, and put back. My heart grew hard like burnt brownies. I remember listening to conference presenters, reading blogs, and scouring articles like this one. Men and women would share amazing testimonies about meeting a spouse after college. Some shared they didn’t date until their thirties or forties, and then exclaimed. “Oh, it was so worth the wait!”

Awesome, I thought. I am truly glad for you. Then as soon as I returned to my room, journal, or prayer, “Lord Jesus, please don’t let that be my story!”

Just when I thought I was doomed to fly solo, God... brought a man.

No, He didn’t. In the midst of my intense search to find the magical formula I’d somehow missed, I discovered something key in my fight. I discovered I was looking at the brownie in the wrong way.

Set apart

If you look at my plate at the end of a meal, you’d discover I save the best for last. If it were a brownie, you’d know I liked it especially. The brownie would be alone not because it was rejected, but because it was selected.

Because I set it apart.

When I finally agreed with who God said I was, I saw the brownie differently. I stopped comparing to the ‘chosen’ treats and scrutinizing everything I wasn’t. Instead, I believed even in the midst of my hurt and longing, to wait on the Lord would be my best choice of all.

What if my Maker had good reason for this?

When Matthew reminds us to “Seek first the Kingdom of God (6:33),” this isn’t a life sentence to sadness, and dashed hopes. It’s an invitation to rest in He who loves us most. Our God is the One who gave His very best for us. "When we remember this – and verses like Psalm 84:11 – we can trust God will never withhold something good for us. He sees a bigger picture than we can.

The best

I’ve never been the unwanted brownie. Neither have you nor will you ever be. Truth is, all of us are set apart for God’s glory, and we all have different stories. These stories are a beautiful part of how God builds His Kingdom coming. As I sought Jesus first with all my heart, I knew my best was on His mind.

I was set apart to wait for God’s plan. This doesn’t mean I was suddenly cheerful for dateless Friday nights, but I did have a spark. There is this spark of excitement when we realize God is working a surprise. The longer the wait, perhaps the sweeter the gift!

Soon, I discovered I’d always had great fervour for Jesus. Singleness was not a curse at all. It was my opportunity.

So, did I stay at the bonfire with those couples and their marshmallows? Absolutely. And did I eat the last brownie while they cuddled? You bet. Who wouldn’t?

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